Tuesday, 10 December 2013
I am so pissed with them because they could've ruined our friendship.
The other day I argued with one of my best friends about things he said to me that I found it harsh and offensive. I was so mad at how hard he tried to make himself a fucking amazing friend and me, a horrible one. True, he did make effort in our friendship and I am truly, TRULY grateful for that. From time to time he would remind me how he put effort in maintaining our friendship and I, just chill at a side doing nothing. One day I was just extremely exhausted and tired and he said something I find it offensive. Couldnt hold myself back and fired him with long whatsapp texts. Kinda argued with him. He apologized in the end but he couldnt understand why did I overreact.
At last, he thinks I have feelings for him thats why I mind so much about things he said and overreacted.
Are you just fucking kidding me. We have known each other for 3 years now why would I suddenly have feelings for you just like that? We are so close it feels like its bloodu incest.!
People can just turn faults into flatters just like that.
What I want to say is, I WILL NEVER BE IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIENDS. What more long time best friends?!
Its fair to say I dont allow myself to cos its darn weird.
I wasnt rational and allowed it to happen two years ago. I have only fell in love with my best friend once, which was during the second half of 2011. It turned out horrible and the friendship is badly ruined. Ive missed only a step there goes big damage.
When people say romance ruins friendship its bloody real. I cannot do it because I dont want to. And if I dont want to be in love with someone, I wont. So quit your ideas of me being in love with my bestfriends, its not bloody happening.
I treasure our friendships so much. I am so angry at these bastards. What the fuck are you guys trying to do???
Thursday, 5 December 2013
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
I mind a lot about growing because I find it so damn stressful. My age is increasing but nothing has improved in my life. The other day I met my previous dance teacher, the now famous Malaysian dancer Dennis Yin. I collaged all our pictures since 2007 to yesterday, 6years in total. In 6 years time he, from being first runner-up in So You Think You Can Dance Malaysia, to champion of first season of Astro Battleground as a member of Racken Force, then to champion of Astro Battleground Season 3 as member of Elecoldxhot, now represent the country to various dancing competitions, idol of many young and old people. At that moment of taking pictures with him and proudly uploading it to instagram, I just thought that hes a very hardworking dancer to be where he is today.
On the same day after work late at night, I drove home under the dimmed streetlights and thought of it again. 6 years. 6 long years. Ive just witness a successful story right in front of me and it isnt any stories from some celebrity I have never met before. I couldnt help but ask myself what have I achieved in these six years?
Thats the moment I realised I am even more terrible than I thought. These six years are nothing but trash, I dont know what did I gain.
Im bloody 19 next year! I am growing up so fast I need to be a better person fast...
Sunday, 1 December 2013
Its 5.33am I was supposed to feel exhausted after Avicii, and work in a few hours.
My life has changed tremendously since the last time I saw you.
And my life has changed tremendously after Ive met you.
I just thought I might bump into you last night, theres a slight chance right, since you've attended so many concerts.
I am mentally exhausted and I thought of you. That pair of beautiful eyes that when they stare into my eyes my heart melts.
All the sleepless late night thinking of our future has turned into the same sleepless night thinking what could have been.
My heart still stomps so hard when I recall the moments ive shared w you.
And how is it possible to have anyone to replace you?
I miss you.
Thursday, 28 November 2013
I am feeling so darn confused and I wrote a long blog post with my bloody phone cos my house's wifi is down.
I'm not in any way trying to gain sympathy or your bloody attention I am just trying to express my thoughts in words.
And the fucking blogger app is a screwed up bitch that refresh out of sudden and there goes my post.
Man...what the fuck is this feeling going on in my head?? My mood is switching every fucking minute oh god so bloody tiring.
I sound like a bloody teen who has just reached puberty