Twitter

So I've created a new private twitter account again..

I've forgotten my old private account's username and password because its been too long since I last used it.

I want a private one because

1) I need to rant. And there are high chances that my rants will contain profanity. Which is a big image ruining factor. I'm not kidding LOL

2) I want to tweets things that are more daring. Eg, offending well known people, critising products, books, films or services

3) I can emo tweet all the time without worries

4) to express my feelings at the same time stay away from the judgemental society

You're welcome to follow, if you want.Because if you're a blog reader surely you will know me better in a way other people don't. Because you've read some of the very personal things here which not even friends around me know.

@yeepeikiew is the username :)

I've already had a following and a follower that is my public account @kiewyeepei . 

Just because I won't look too pathetic with no followers :)

Tired.

谷

原来我删除了我们俩的相片。我一点儿我都不记得。。

多么希望你会跟我说话。可是，不可能吧？

天大地大

外国的夏天都到了。。

忙碌的世界，回家的回家，旅行的旅行。。

大家总有走不完的路。

我的脚也从来没有休息过，每天都在走呀走。。。

二零一三年，我认识了好多人。我长大了，都快十八了。。视野广阔了，以前小心眼的我都不知走到哪儿去了。 进了国民服务，进了学院才知道什么才叫做人生。认识了好多有着不同背景的人，才知道生活真的一点都不简单。

在国民营里，我的宿舍里有一个马来人，矮我一个头，瘦瘦小小的，给人一种弱不经风的感觉。有一天她告诉我们------ 她要结婚了。

她要嫁人了。从国民营回家后她就得为她的婚礼而筹备。她甜蜜的向我们公布了这一桩‘喜事’。。她才十八岁。。这样就把一生寄托在一个男人身上吗？我听不下去，自个儿走了。

室友后来告诉我，那根本就是娃娃亲，并不是她个人的意思。是吗，这样那个真的是喜事吗？难道我真的要像那班女孩们为她感到高兴，诚恳地祝贺她？

我不能。

这个世界那么大，天大地大，山高海深，我不想把自己埋没在一个自己找不到慰藉的地方。

有时疯疯癫癫的，喜欢那一刻的微醺，所以把酒精往肚里灌。那一刻，谁还管没有前途的人生？谁还管费了好大的力气爱却还得不到的男孩？谁还管跌下去时却没人搀扶的日子?

谁管得着我？？ 我贪恋的不就是那短暂无忧无虑的一刻吗？

欣羡那些人，总是快快乐乐的，悲伤，也只不过是短暂，他们哪需那么用力寻找快乐的泉源？我们这些活得有一日没一日的，只不过会被人看低--我们都是没有充实活着的人。

那天我和他还有一班朋友出去了。走着走着我们走散了。就只剩下我，他还有一个女生朋友。当时他走在前面，我和那个女孩走在后边。我一边走一边看着他的背影，看着他迈着稳重的步伐。很自然的，我跟着他走的路。他用左脚我也用左脚。地上的线条他没踩我也不会踩。他踏上的那个小石头，我也踩上去,好象蚂蚁的踪迹。 我很甜蜜的走在他身后，禁不住很甜很甜地笑了，完完全全当我的另一个朋友没到。而他会偷偷地半转过头来，好象要看我到底有没有跟上来。。。

有一次，他停下转过头来，把我吓着了。他的眼睛闪过一丝的恍惚，是我看错了了吗？

不，我根本不喜欢他。我纯粹觉得他好有安全感。

我爱的人，我已经好久好久没见过了。

但是，他看来，过得尚好的。

13th - 18th Day Of Opening Ceremony and tedious dance prac

Continue to blog about National Service day 13th to Day 18th ! For previous posts about National Service click HERE.
And yes I am blogging this at 3.30am on a Monday morning. Having class a few hours later :S



22nd January 2013, Tuesday, 13th Day.
I was having sore throat a few days ago and it got worse. Today I can't even speak anymore I HAVE NO VOICE AT ALL !! I was really depressed because today I am going to perform :( So no choice I can only sing softly during performance. Had practice in the early morning and it will be the last practice because we are going to perform in awhile ! Our attire is plain white shirt for front row, plain black shirt for back row, with black class pants, vest and batik. Everyone was very ecstatic and semangat for our performance.
Before our performance, everyone besides Dikir Barat and Choir members had to go out to march for opening ceremony. Me, WeiYing, Adib and Radhy has a mini jamming session with a drum called Ibu Gendang. It was so fun singing with the malay boys and the feeling when we found songs that we all know how to sing was really awesome. Because they don't speak English at all, let alone listening to English songs.

Me and WeiYing before our performance :)

Our attire :)

With the other 2 Malay dikir barat friends. The one on the far left is my dorm leader who reported me to teacher ! But turned out she's nice, after getting know her better :)

The one in between WeiYing and I is Zatul. She was from SMK USJ 12 and she recognises me as Shane's date for USJ 12's prom ! Its always nice to meet Subang people :)

Dikir Barat boys :)

Some of the girls.

Anas and I. He is a really good looking Malay. But flirty level : 100 omg. SUPER flirtatious. Well actually there are A LOT of good looking Malays in camp. What to do, Chinese looks really bad without hair. :D

Me and my signature jump shot pose !:)

Me and SeaYean. She was in Choir performance :)

Our performance was good! Everything went well. :) During choir performance they had everyone stood up on chairs to sing and dance with them. It was a very 'civilised' dance floor because we were all dancing and singing to patriotic songs. Not that bad though, it was really fun!
DB members had to stay back to clean up while the others went outside again for photography session. I was feeling a little sad because we wont be practicing anymore :( DB practices are actually one of the rare things I look forward to in camp.

After lunch we all went up for afternoon nap. In the evening, we had a dance class. We are going to perform in Stadium Cheras for Hari Wilayah in a couple of weeks time :)
I am mentally and physically exhausted. But tonight's sky beats every sky I've ever seen. It is SO beautiful, with SO many stars, and even with white clouds surrounding the moon in a perfectly round circle. Oh so beautiful, I wish I had my camera with me now.

Note on 6th June 2013 : I've already forgotten how does the sky on that night looks like. :(


My performance song : (2nd paragraph is in Kelantan dialect)

Khidmat negara satu kewajipan
Pada mereka dapat panggilan
Satu hasrat satu semangat satu tekad
Satu Malaysia

Sebut kato Kem Setia Ikhlas
Tanah serendah sekebun bungo
Tempat molek serta comel
Penuh dengan seni budayo 

Malaysia bumi tercinta
Hanya padamu ku taburkan jasa
Harum namamu di persada dunia
Negara maju aman sejahtera

Malaysia-ku gemilang
Dirgahayu sangsa kebangsa



Note on 10th June 2013 : I miss.







23rd January 2013, Wednesday, 14th Day.
Morning we had assembly. We had to assemble at 6am. Everyday without fail, the boys will sleep on the tar road waiting for assembly to start. With that army uniform, they actually looked a lot like soldiers who died sacrificing for the country :D
There were A LOT of stars. It was utterly beautiful and amazing. It would be perfect if there was no awful garbage smell. (Our campsite is located next to a garbage recycling factory)

We had a talk again after lunch. I slept throughout the talk and halfway sleeping, my friend woke me up and asked me to stand up. I stood up not knowing what happened and thought I was in deep trouble. A few other campers from different companies stood up too and everyone applauded for us. Surprised to know that our DB team became the icon for Dikir Barat in all the National Service campsites in Malaysia ! PLKN Malaysia was very satisfied with our performance.We made a name for ourselves in just merely 3 days ! We were treated boxes of junk food. I was feeling real happy, I've never gotten any recognition for everything I've performed before.

I've lost my voice completely. I've been drinking A LOT of water but it didn't help ! :(
Tomorrow is a holiday!




24th January 2013, Thursday, 15th Day.
Today morning we had delicious nasi lemak as breakfast instead of rice vermicelli ! After breakfast we were given time till 12pm to clean up our dorm.
We cleaned everything thoroughly including washing our corridor, locker, bed, windows and cleaning our garden. I was actually very disgusted seeing the thick layers of dusts on my locker and window. But the thought of staying in this place for a month more made me worked hard cleaning it. After cleaning, I took a nap and omg it was one of the nicest nap evaaaaaaaa~

Company Bravo had forgotten to take their flag back and now the teachers confiscated their flags. They had to wear their inner loreng inside out. The other 3 companies had a good laugh at them they looked so silly !! :)

Dharmma class today was so boring. Today's speakers was really boring and things they said made no sense at all. My friends and I took turns to ask them difficult questions hoping they would run out of things to say but they didn't, they just ignore our questions =.=

After class company Bravo girls and boys each prepared performance for us because they lost their flag. Bravo boys did a hilarious sketch while the girls sang and dance Super Junior's Sorry Sorry. :)




25th January 2013, Friday, 16th Day.
Now that we have to wait for dorm 7's girls to go down to canteen together. Urgh how I hate waiting. 
We were suppose to have assembly but it was drizzling. We were so happy thought we could skip assembly but teachers made us do it in the hall =.= Was sleeping throughout, as usual.

After breakfast we had class. The last class for Module 2, good bye group Maggi and class MPK 4 ! Will be missed. For this class each group had to go out to perform our 'talent'. Without knowing what to perform, we did Dikir Barat. Faiz from my group is actually so talented he blurted out everything that was on his mind and so amazing because they all rhymed ! Some Malays are realllllyy talented !

And he is also very good looking ! He reminds me a lot of Hilal, my Form 5 classmate :)

Last class. Goodbye Maggi, goodbye MPK 4 ! Will be missed !

After lunch we had marching session. Out of no where there was heavy rain. All Delta people escaped to the nearest shelter - class. We sat on the floor chatting happily with our wet uniform. So cosy. 15 minutes later the rain stopped and we resumed our marching. We marched for only 2 minutes and here comes the rain again! We are so fortunate ^^ 

After the rain girls stayed to march while boys have to queue up to shave their heads again. We girls just love looking at the boys getting their heads shaved. Their facial expressions are the bomb, so miserable !! :)

And we got back our phones today ! :)




26th January 2013, Saturday, 17th Day.
Morning we had porridge as breakfast. I hate their porridge so I skipped breakfast. After breakfast we had ceramah and yes I slept throughout again.
Well yes I was always sleeping ! But you should know that we only have like average 5 hours of sleep each day that is why we are always drained. We NEED to treasure the time during lunch, ceramah and class to sleep.

We went to Stadium Cheras for our dance performance rehearsal at night. The sky was so heartstoppingly beautiful...the moon was so big and bright. I was never a fan of the moon but I've gotta say this is amazing. I placed my thumb on the moon, just like how John had said. And I feel amazing.





27th January 2013, Sunday, 18th Day.
Its a Sunday today and we can wake up a little later but I got up at 4.45am just like other Muslims. Because I need to do A LOT of laundry today. I finished doing laundry at 5.30am and since there's still lots of time, I tidied up my locker. 

After breakfast female non-muslims were asked to gather infront of the lake. And we got picked on because of our hair. Teacher threatens that the next time she sees us with fringe down she's gonna make us wear veils. But I think she's just jealous that we can have free hair and she dont =.=

Off to stadium again in the afternoon. All I did was dance, read The Hobbit, and talk.

Eaze

Everyday during shower I write your full name on the steamed shower door. I write my messages to you, sometimes long and sometimes short. But one thing for sure is, I will end it with 'I miss you'.

And that is because I really do.


I miss you. Your voice. Your smile. Your eyes.

And one night I cried because I can't really remember those anymore .

I don't know what to say , or what can I say anymore

why

I can't forget.





I can't move on.

6th - 12th day - lifechanging talk & joining Dikir Barat

I'll be continue blogging bout National Service after the 5th day :)
Some of the entries are actually very tedious so I'll just enlarge the fonts of the more interesting parts :D


15th January 2013, Tuesday, 6th Day.
We had rehearsal for National Service Opening Ceremony in the morning. We were required to stand throughout the whole ceremony oh god I was practically sleep standing. So fucking sleepy. Went to class later on and we've entered Module 2. So we have a new teacher and new group. I was arranged into a group called Maggi which consists of 6 Malays, 2 Indians, 1 Sabahan and that makes me the only Chinese.

At night non-muslim did nothing for 2 hours while Muslims having class in surau. So freaking boring all I did was sleep and playing wrestling with friends.

This is one of my group members, Erol. He is a very flirtatious guy he made so many girls in camp fall for him! To be honest I find him very adorable and almost thought that he likes me :/

16th January 2013, Wednesday, 7th Day.
Today was so depressing. We had the long and painful rehearsal again. Early morning at 6am I helped YiWan, my assistant company leader to tie the flags. This is actually my first time tying a flag to the pole after seeing people doing this for over a decade as a school student. After class we had a man came and gave us talk about some local university. I don't know what the hell he was talking about because I was sleeping throughout the talk.
During tea time WeiYing and I sat at the lakeside and talked. Cikgu Noorizan pulled a chair over and joined us. He is a nice man but kind of weird....hmm.

At night we went to Dharma class. There were 3 speakers. This class and the talk they gave us changed my life. I was so stunned at how influential today's talk can be. Things they said were so shocking that I couldn't get it out of my mind.
They let us watch a video about how our world transformed since 20 years ago. Besides the huge  technology impact, the crime rates increased tremendously..in a way we didn't realise. Teacher made us think : What is there in the world we have to face in 20 years time?
I did not dare to think bout it. The thought of it was so scary.

Next we've watched another video about a Japanese that murdered a female Caucasian and ate her or something like that. When he was prosecuted, he was wearing a black hoodie that covered his eyes. Media took the picture of him looking emotionless. The picture went viral in Japan because he looks like that kind of character in most Japanese anime. The girls were crazy over him. While he, noticed his sudden fame and started writing a book in his days as a prisoner. He became a celebrity. Girls went crazy over him and started writing letters to confess their love for him.

The thing is, what has the world become? A terrifying cannibal has turned into a celebrity. What has gotten us, the younger generation?! The thought of everything - everything around the world seemed fine to me, with more and more creative & wonderful food, Kpop stars rising, crime rates raised a little...thats all to me. But I did not realise how scary these things could be. The change from the past terrifies me badly.

On my way back to dorm, I couldn't stop thinking bout it. I was very nervous, worried and terrified. I looked up to my only comfort, to the skies..and I see no stars.
No stars, no hope.

That night was a very depressing night.






17th January 2013, Thursday, 8th Day.
After rehearsal and class, teachers gathered us together and announced about a event in Bukit Jalil Stadium. It is a huge event and we get to meet campers from other National Service camps ! I really want to go, sounds fun. But each company can only pick fixed amount of people go and all races have to be equal. 
I didn't get chosen though :(

Today's Dharma class teacher let us watch a lot of videos about family and mostly about filial piety. Everyone was so close to tearing watching that ! Especially this is my 8th day away from home. I miss my family. But I am all fine here, meeting a lot of people and having fun :)

Back to dorm I was asked to see my company teacher. I was so furious when I've found out my dorm leader reported me to teacher because I kept a phone. And yes I had to pass it to teacher. :(
URGH.





18th January 2013, Friday, 9th Day.
We had a talk today and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOO BORING , slept throughout the talk, again. Called mommy during tea time. Reported all the little things to her. Things I wouldn't do if I am home. :)

At night SeaYean and I spent our night sitting at my bedside eating and talked till late night. 
I really like this friend of mine. :)





19th January 2013, Saturday, 10th Day.
We had rehearsal again. I was sleep standing. I heard some noise and I saw a few people leaving their seats to go outside the hall. So I kepo and asked everyone what is happening and they said something about dance performance for opening ceremony. To escape the rehearsal, my friends and I went out to join.
Turned out it wasn't a dance performance thing but Dikir Barat.  Dikir Barat is a singing performance that involves lots of hand movements. It is part of the Malay culture.

There were so many people who wants to join ! About 50 people. So we all went into a class and teacher started electing people to be lead singers and play instruments. Of all people, my 5 other friends and I were the only Chinese. The others are all Malay. Teacher composed songs with a few Malays and the others just rot there don't know what to do. I was so so bored of that I don't even know what Dikir Barat is ! But I acted like I was very interested in it because..I don't want them to isolate us Chinese. While my friends slept throughout the session. WeiYing came in to join after ! :)

After tea we were supposed to go back to practice but my friends didn't want to join anymore. I honestly don't feel like joining anymore. The songs are so boring and it is in Malay -.- But if we quit there will be no Chinese !:( I know I couldn't persuade the others but I made WeiYing to stay with me and we did ! We are the only 2 non-malays in the team now. And from 50 ppl, we left only less than 20 people in the team.

WeiYing and I were so left out because we couldn't speak Malay like how the Malays did. We don't know what the hell is Dikir Barat either. All we did was following other people, we do what they do.
This performance is for our opening ceremony which is 2 days later. Only 2 days of practice !!

We started discussing bout our attire. Our lead singers Adib and Asri kinda came up with the idea that we female non-muslims wear veils(tudung) during performance to synchronize the performance. I politely and awkwardly rejected the idea but both of them keeps pushing the idea ! The other team members agreed too. I felt that the whole world is against WeiYing and I ohmygod I was so furious.

Adib :''Eh pakailah tudung, baru nampak sama..''
Me :'' Tak mau la, saya bukan Muslim pun...'' 
Adib :''Bukan muslim pun boleh pakai la.''
Me :'' *angry* tak boleh! Ini akan bertentang dengan agama saya!''

Then he finally shut the hell up hahahaha. I lied, I don't even care bout religions cos I have none. But I don't like the idea of wearing veils to cover up the fact that I am not a Muslim.
With me and WeiYing insisting that we will perform with free hair, they finally dropped the subject.

At night I called mommy, my godmother and maid. Almost cried talking to them :(
So looking forward to tomorrow! Can't wait to meet my family :))




20th January 2013, Sunday, 11th Day.
Today we get to wake up at 6am !! So happy !
Early morning we had Dikir Barat practice. I couldn't concentrate as I kept looking outside to search for my family. I've never felt so eager to meet my family before!
Finally, I saw a familiar figure wandering around the hall, and yes that was my dad. I don't know is this psychological effects or what but I think he looks a lot older :( I happily say bye to my DB team mates and ran towards my family like a kid. In my class heels !!
Mom brought noodles and soup for me. So delicious !! They had to go back early because dad has golf in the afternoon. I was actually very sad that he can't even go to golf late to spend more time with me. I almost teared bidding them goodbye.

I have nothing to do so I went back to practice. All Buddhists were off to Nalanda Buddhist Centre awhile later. Today's theme is friendship. We have a special speaker to give us a talk about it and we played some friendship games ! It was so exciting and fun.

Went back to camp and practice with Choir team again. The DB team is pretty good now ! Tomorrow is the full rehearsal for opening ceremony :) quite excited for it.

Dinner I had mom's delicious chicken and soup. Called her again at night to tell her about my day.
Goodnights !




21st January 2013, Monday, 12th Day.
Today we had full rehearsal ! DB practice was very fun :) Our performance is now close to perfect :)
At night we had some mistakes and Cikgu Shah, our DB teacher was furious. We did it beautifully at last and I guess we are ready to perform tomorrow !:)
After practice it was already 10.45pm. Cikgu Shah came up to me and WeiYing and said :''Kau dua akan jadi tumpuan kerana kamu free hair tau. So buat baik-baik. Tapi tadi aku tengok sudah ok, gerakan semua baik.''

Yay compliments from teacher ! Happy !:)
Nervous for tomorrow hehe :)

Bygones

I have so many things to say. But I am afraid that I will stutter, then the words will never come out beautifully .

I have so many thoughts in my head. But I can't think of them because I am afraid that the more I think , the more regret I'll be.

I have so many things I want to clarify, I want to clear and I want to know. But I can't anymore.
Let bygones be bygones.


For now, I need to work hard. On everything.

Strawberry

Even if I've developed feelings for you , there is no point because you will only remain as a replacement . Always.

Faith

It is ... It is all the little things that make us lose faith in life..

There are so many points in life I wish that I hadn't been born. I don't enjoy living anymore.

Because no matter how much fun I had or I am going to have, its not powerful enough to cover off my ugly past.