Sunday, 29 March 2015

What a wonderful sleep and dream

Friday, 27 March 2015

So tired I wanna cry
 
   
    

由头来过

Thursday, 26 March 2015

wine dine

Last Saturday's hiking session with family. This was at a new found gem! I've been to this place many times for hiking but only discovered this spot last week. Its very hidden hehe.




Don't know what was I doing..





The Shawshank pose.



Having slept for only 3 hours then woke up at 6am to go hiking, I was sleepy as hell. SOOOOOOOOOO sleepy I felt really really dead. But I rushed to a musical concert in Taylors Lakeside straight after I come home from hiking zzzz
Its been a really long time since I last attended any leo events! Attended this cos the organizing chairperson WaiYew personally messaged me to invite me to the concert leh, how to not give face and go? :)
But the concert turned out to be...SO BORING. Luckily I was connected to Taylor's wifi, and was doing NOTHING throughout the whole concert besides stalking people's instagram. I think its not the event's fault la, just that its just not for me anymore, I am too old to attend a high school event.(the event is a joint project of 6 clubs i think, most of them are from high school)

Woah this guy. How I actually get to know this guy is quite a long story. We attended the same event back in February 2011, a joint leo project called Kids Just Wanna Have Fun < click! Its one of the most fun leo events I've been to!! Its basically an event held in Assunta school where we play games and interact with kids from a few orphanages. This guy in the picture, Andrew, wore the superman suit and played with the kids. I was very attracted to him at the time cos whats sweeter than a guy playing with so many kids?! HAHAHA. Obviously the kids loved him, followed him everywhere he went so I was like mmhmm...this guy not bad. HAHA. 

I've forgotten how we became friends..but I won't be surprised that I added him as a friend on Facebook first HAHAHA. But I do know that we became friends a few months after the event, although I don't think he noticed me that time.
This is us in July 2011! In my first event as a president! I think it was SMK Damansara Jaya Leo Club's installation.

Yeap. Really nice to see old leo friends again :)


Maine's sister Charlene.
Maine & I. 
Leo presidents 2011-2012 unite! Jo not here. This is Kent, past leo president from SMJK Sam Tet, Ipoh :)

On Sunday WeiYing drove me to KL for lunch..hehe thanks <3

Feeka is pretty.


After lunch she came to my house and checked out my mini library and to borrow some books ehehhee. I appreciate this friend so much, its one of the rare friends of mine that appreciates the same thing as me. Its really nice to talk to her about the things we read. :)



On Tuesday I had a presentation. The topic is up to us so I picked a topic that I am fairly confident in, and I would say I know quite a lot about this topic because I recycled it from my college presentation when I was in Taylor's 2013. Its about Psychopathy. Its really nice to present about something I am very interested in cos researching about it isn't tedious at all. 

However, this lecturer of mine is quite strict so I was VERY scared and nervous for it. I prepared for two full days, practicing alone in the room like how I did for public speaking 10 years ago. 
On the day of presentation, I think I did okay.. My lecturer commented everybody's presentation publicly and I was surprised to hear mine.
From the lecturer's words:

''Very, very, very, very, very well prepared.''
''Very good.''
''Good gestures, strong voice, good eye contact''
''Interesting topic.''

She said 5 ''very'', I am sure of that. I was so surprised to hear the comments about my speech. I did good! 

''However, your conclusion doesn't provide the crowd a way to change this issue.''

I was talking about psychopath do not deserve to be treated like normal criminals due to their brain's functional abnormality.
 Well okay..the good comments are more than the negative ones..
I was expecting for 8 or 9 over 10%. When the lecturer announced my marks, my jaw nearly dropped.


It was 7.5%.


To be honest, I don't know how well I did until she remarked about how good I was. I was really expecting for something higher since the comments are really kind. I can't say I am not disappointed at all...it was quite hurtful :( sigh. I am sadddddddd

So after class we rewarded ourselves with a feast! A reward for these few weeks of working hard for assignments and presentations! Satisfied :)

 After Sukiya on the way home we dropped by roadside stall for cendol. Man I love this bunch. People who have big appetite make good friends ;)
This is me trying on a backpack :D




Since I have no class tomorrow I shall blog a lil more. :) 
Its actually something very personal. I hope the people I talk about in this blog will never see any of these cos it'll be quite awkward then..but...screw it. 

Today I was told right in my face that I am a very reserved person - likes to avoid confronting or being confronted by people. WHICH IS DAMN TRUE I admit. I hate awkward moments..I can never confront a person face to face about anything. Extremely cowardice la I would say. God knows how many things I've sacrificed just because of this trait of mine. I've lost many things and friendships just because I rather keep them than talking it out.

When I was about to throw another two very important friendships away in my life, I am so blessed, so so blessed that the two friends I had almost given up on came back to me. OK I'll talk about friend A first. 
A is a very good friend of mine whom I had an argument with just before I leave for Cambodia a year ago. (it was his fault, but my fault for over reacting, my excuse is cos I was stressed about the trip la hahaha). When I came back, we didn't hang out for almost half a year before we decided to again. It was awkward, because the argument had no closure. I thought we were gonna stay like that forever cos..it really seemed like it. One day he decided to bring me out for lunch and specially recited his apology speech to me in the car..it was quite funny really...cos I was so afraid that things get awkward I cut him off and said ''Hey, you don't have to be sorry, I am over it!'' , he got mad and shouted at me "LET ME FINISH OFF LA WEI. I PREPARED THIS FOR DAMN LONG ALRD OK.'' 

LOL.

He talked everything out with me and we are okay again, back to the pre-argument days I thought we won't be having again. Back to being best friends.


The second friend is a slightly complex person. I've known him for quite a long time but I wouldn't say that I know him well. Funny thing is, there's one point that I really considered into liking him, I was interested, but not in love. At last I decided that I wouldn't want to be with a complex person like him. I focused on nurturing our friendship then and am truly glad that it lasted..sort of.

He fell in love with me. 

OK why do I feel like I am writing romance novels now HAHHAAH. OK yeap, he confessed face to face. It was SO awkward for me. I did not see that coming at all I was completely stunned and don't know what to say at all. I gave the stupidest reply - ''oh, and then?''

''I'll give you some time to think about it.''

Obviously what he meant was yes or no - to be his girlfriend.
Here I did a mistake - I did not get back to him. I never talk to him again after that for three months, and I truly regretted that. I was soooooo awkward I rather not talk to him again.

At that time I blamed him, he was the one who ruined the friendship. Things after that were obviously different, it was even more awkward. 

He asked me out today and talked to me about it, after more than half a year. He said he had wanted to talk to me bout this for a very long time, and apologized for putting me in that position. I was soooo awkward and uncomfortable. I cannot do this. 

After a long moment of silence..he said,

''About one thing..why didn't you like, get back to me after that? at least say a no or something..''



That was when a part of me shattered. It wasn't him who ruined the friendship, it clearly was I.



Thats the moment I realised how two of my friends really treasured the friendship between us. They could've let it go like that, lose a friend, I am not worth it anyway. I would never ever do such things cos I am too much of a coward. I rather give up on a friendship than to be awkward, for a while. I thought I was a good friend until this, shows how insincere I actually am. 

I've lost some friends back then, to be frank I've already forgotten how did I lose them. Many things were lost in time and misunderstandings, all is equally too late to save. I just thought that this is normal, losing people at one point or another, but I didn't realise how I can treasure friends more until today. 



I am thankful for these boys. and I'll work harder to be a better friend.


As promised to the people who left comments in my previous post, more eye candies :) hehe. 赏脸la you all.

Monday, 23 March 2015

happy hepi

I am so attached to my blog that only three weeks of not having a proper blog post makes me so sad hahaha. I think of my blog every day, for real.

I haven't had time! I've been veryyyyyyyyyyyy busy since Chinese New Year is over. Mainly because Emil is here for almost a month(will blog about that soon!) and I was having so many assignments! Not to forget bout mid terms that just ended few days ago. I am so sleep deprived, so tired of feeling extremely exhausted everyday..is it because of the weather??? Because even after having full 11 hours of sleep today I still feel very drained. :(

I still have one more post left on my Europe trip! It's about Dublin. Will do it soon but now, I have something to blog about :D Something that made me really happy for the past two months.


To be frank, I get upset very easily. Just look at some of my blog posts, they're so emo and so annoying. I can't stand reading all those shit sometimes..it made me sound like some troubled 15 year old teen. Emo bout this and that blabla. I would really love to change that part of myself. The thing is, I've been like that since I became a teenager, and its about 7 years. This is really absurd but...like any other pessimist, I rather see things negatively and be a damn pessimist cos what we, pessimist seek is none other than sympathy. When I am upset I like to sympathize with myself, thinking that the world has been harsh on me and shits I deserved to be sympathized with. Believe it or not, that 'self-sympathy' made me feel better, just slightly. I like to think about how unfortunate I am to not have many things in life others have rather than thinking about things I have but others don't. In the past, I truly see that my life is nothing but a hardship and totally ignored  how many things I am blessed with.
Sounds dramatic but its true..I always think ''Why does it have to be me???" , ''Why can't it happen to other people as well??''  

 OK just go take a look at my instagram, good food, travel, nice clothes,good friends all but I was still complaining so much. Annoying or not? Bloody.

I believe its true about everybody has two identities in them. When I was complaining about life, the more positive identity would come and remind myself how fortunate I am. The negative identity, which made up 70% of myself, would feel unhappy that the positive identity is trying to prove me wrong that my life is not that bad. 
''But thats not what I want in life......'' my first identity would always say.

Every time I was told by my positive identity about how good my life is, I feel threatened. There is always a 'but', everything has a 'but'. No matter how, I must make myself look miserable, at least to myself.

Example;

''You're blessed with nice friends in class.''
''I do..but I can't get any emotional support from them.''


''You're blessed with a hectic/happening life.''
''I do..but I am tired of being this busy.''

''You're blessed with a very relaxing life.''
''I do..but I feel lost and empty.''


Get it get it, there's always a 'but' to everything in my life. 

I actually enjoyed being upset about everything around me. When I complain about something, I don't want to know the solutions. I want people to agree with how I feel, agree with how terrible my life is, feed me with sympathy. I get even more upset when my problems are given solutions by people around me. Indirectly, they are saying my problems are not even worth being sad for because its not unsolvable. Like if I talk about how I am in a financial woe after spending too much on online shopping and I don't know what to do cos I can't go out to nice cafes or shopping anymore, what I want to hear isn't advises of how to save money, although that is likely a solution to my problem. I would always reject advises, solutions or even help. 
''huh? Take part time job? cannot one la I where got time..''

''Eat at cheaper places?? har..cannot one la you know my friends la they prefer cafes.''

''Stop online shopping? Very hard leh..you know I am addicted to it..''

I would prefer my listener to sympathize with my situation and talk about how unsolvable it is.

Thats me in the past, by the way.

Back then, when I was facing problems, ie: back acne. (I have A LOT of back acne scars on my back) I always google how people live with back acne rather than how people cured them. 
Reason why, cos I needed emotional validation of how terrible the situation is. I needed people to understand my hardship, I needed people to express their sympathy for me. Most of the time, I vent, I complain, but I have no intention of fixing the problems. I sound so ridiculous, but trust me, I have a few friends who are just like me.

All these is making me struggle to stay positive throughout my teenage years ALTHOUGH, those years have been great. 

This year, I wanna get rid of that horrible habit. Its almost end of March and I think its safe to say that I've been doing quite well these few months. There are a lot of times that I feel very happy, and I tried to give more appreciation to it. It hasn't been easy cos I still emo quite frequently la, but I usually get myself up on the positive side again after a sleep.

OK why I drag until so far omg..

OK here's the thing I wanna tell you about!

Most of my close friends have already known this...that I took up a part time job as a teacher in kids art gallery!!! HEHE. I've been a teacher there for more than 2 months now, and i LOVE it!!!!!!!!


I stumbled across a post looking for art teachers in the Kota Kemuning FB group and I immediately contacted the person although I wasn't looking any job at that time since I have no break from class. Turned out that the working hours are not clashing with any of my classes and other commitments(which is nothing) so I said yes!!

The job scope is mainly teaching kids how to draw/color/paint. I used to go to art classes 15 years ago in an art gallery in USJ 4, operated by my then high school senior, SherNong's parents. I attended art class for a few years until I moved to my current home and I had to stop because my mom didn't have time to fetch me there anymore. Not bragging la hahaha but I used to be quite good in art. I was in my primary school's school team when I was 7 years old, making me the youngest member in the team at that time ;) I stayed for only 3 years cos after that I chose to be in the dance club instead. But I attended art contests almost every two weeks with my sisters. Those were the days *puts on shades*

I really loved art classes. I remember when my sisters and I were young, our reward after achieving good results academically was art supplies. (good results, as in getting top 5 in class T.T)
I still remember how ecstatic I was when I received brand new Faber-Castell color pencils, Buncho crayons and paint from my parents. Shit..that feeling beats anything. I like how my parents made us work hard to get the art supplies, cos in that way they're more precious. My brother didn't have to go through that to get what he wants though..simply cos my mom thinks that the generation has changed. 


Anyways back to my part time job! I teach only two days in a week, two hours a day. The pay is RM7/hour, so my monthly pay is...well....I am sure you can guess it. HAHAA. Everytime I get my monthly pay I can't help but to make it into a joke and tell everyone. I don't know whether should I laugh or cry! HAHAHA.

The two hardest kids to deal with. They're brothers, 4 yrs old and 6 yrs old. They're hardest to deal with because the younger one at the back, YK, has only started his kindergarten this year. 
This is YK. He doesn't even know how to hold a pencil!! But what makes it hard isn't this but him, still being a baby. Baby doesn't know how to obey, if they don't want to do something, they won't do it. 4 years old kids should already know how to obey, listen and express themselves in words, but not YK. He throw tantrums EVERY class, and I would need to keep asking him what does he want cos he wont tell me and would only nod or shake his head. I can't get mad at him cos if I do, he gets even more angry, and it'll lead to him annoying me to death like slapping my ass/thighs(cos hes not even taller than my thighs). He is extremely hard to deal with. But recently I learned to bring candies to class so makes it slightly bearable...he definitely requires lots of attention and patience.

This is KK, the older brother. He's slightly better, able to understand me and voice out is good enough for me. At least he doesn't throw tantrums...wait, sometimes he does, but not very often. He's so talkative he would talk back at every thing. Our weekly conversation goes:

''You better do your work or I tell your mommy later.''
''Then teacher later I also tell your mommy! Hmph!''

''I angry liao ah!''
''You angry I also angry!''

*smacks head*


I am very cautious when it comes to kids. I had lots of experiences getting embarrassed by teachers, and I really don't want the kids to feel the same way. Maybe as a teacher they don't know they're actually putting kids into that position but I remember feeling ashamed over teacher's random comments, it could be anything, like when teachers correct me infront of kids loudly. Kids mah..very sensitive one. Now I think back of it, I don't feel like the teacher embarrassed me on purpose, maybe we kids overthink. 

Once I was too busy dealing with YK that I neglected KK. When I went back to him, his art work was a mess. I blurted out :''KK why you draw until so ugly one!'' loudly. He looked so hurtful and it was too late. I kept on cursing inside cos I KNOW HOW HURTFUL IT IS. I never once told kids that their art is ugly although they are, but this time it was an accident :( I told my sister and she said kids will remember what teachers said to them forever. Which is damn true. :(

I spent the next full 15 minutes to make him talk to me again. Gosh..freaking lesson learnt.




This is a few weeks ago. 
Sometimes the brothers can be quite lovable and cute though. They would climb onto my lap out of no where and just sit on it. They liked it when I carry them too. Very manja :)



Another very cute student. I've only seen him once actually, he changed to other class.
I am closer to certain kids cos usually we will have 3 art teachers(including me) in a class and we would go around and teach/coach the students one to one. Like I am in charge of this area of 3-5 students and the other teachers handle other students.


One of those days KK is a good boy and i let him sit on my lap ^^



Introducing my favorite kid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I've realised this. I am biased when it comes to kids.

But I NEVER show any less affection for other kids. Just that after class I like to play with some most.
She's ridiculously cute!!!! SO SO SO SO CUTE!!!! I am so in love with her. She's Angeline, 5 years old and she comes to class with her 7 year old sister. Very friendly girl who smiles at every one with her super wide smile. Talkative as well! Very cheeky girl. So cute running around with those big wet eyes and short bangs!


''老师!!!!!!!!!做么你拍我!!!!!!!!!''

I took her picture with burst mode. Look how her expression changes when she noticed I was taking pictures of her! CUTE OR NOT?!!?!


I feel so happy looking at her pictures!! So cute!!!!!!!! See how cute she is, she had to tiptoe to wash hands! She sits on double chairs in class also..but most of the kids do. Cute right?!

This is her sister Adeline. Quite cute also but she always procrastinate one, always end up not finishing her art work and I have to help her. aiyoh.

video
First time posting video in this blog :D Please watch! See how cute Angeline is! (Just realised this video can only watch using dekstop ...:(....)



This is the cutie R! Shes really cute. Always asking A LOT of innocent questions like ''teacher why is this red?'' , ''teacher why must like this leh?'' , ''teacher why is the man in the picture holding a basket?''

And she always wears pretty clothes to class! Elsa..needless to point out :D
My favorite dress of her's! I call this rainbow tutu :P

All the little sisters I never had!

They're just so adorable.
Some of the older kids, 8 years old.
The girl on the left can carry me wtf, damn strong right.

Cutie leh this boy.

This is YY. A very mature 8 year old girl. 
I can hardly believe how mature she is! Once I brought sweets to the class and I gave them out. She rejected and said :''Its ok teacher, keep it for the kids.'' 
Amused, I said :''Aren't you a kid too?''

''No. Kids are those who won't listen to you unless you give them sweets.''

WOW.

Anyways..she was telling me many boys like her in school and she doesn't know what to do. HAHAHA. Let me share you our conversation ok, between a 20 year old and 8. Just try to imagine the scene! 

''Teacher do you have a boyfriend?''
''What do you think?''
''Confirm got la teacher you so pretty..'' (thats why i like this girl)
''You leh, got boyfriend or not?''
''No..but I have a lot boys like me in school leh.'' *gives a big sigh with smile on her face*
''A lot ah..how many wor?''
''Half of the boys in my class lor..''
''WAH so many ah!!''
''Yalor...I feel so troubled lah, don't know how to reject them.''
''Aiyoh who ask you so pretty.....''

She damn syok when I feed her with things she wanted to hear ;) I know how to feed people's ego one ok ;)
This is Jean, one of the most beautiful and elegant little girl I've ever seen. She looks like a Eurasian! Very shy girl, haven't got to talk to her much. But she looks so mad pretty and mature at times I really forgot that she's only 8 years old. 

Still got a lot other kids! Next time take and introduce again :)




Once I was late for class and my mom fetched me. This is her first time fetching me to work. She found out the location of the art gallery and was furious. Although the place is merely 10 minutes from my house, its located in a very remote place where most of the shops close after evening. I work 7.45pm-10.15pm. My mom wants me to stop work immediately but...I find it really hard to.

It isn't easy that I finally found something that gives me so much happiness I don't want to leave it just yet. :( But I don't want to upset my mom either. Sigh this is hard.


I'll see how then :(




Some of the art work we do in class:

Lantern for CNY


For the most recent class we did this. Using the end of chopstick and tempera paint. This chopstick art took us so much time & patience! Nice meh omg my boss say nice. I saw this and felt super geli, This triggered the trypophobia in me HAHA 

Art & craft class.



I've been REALLY happy for every class. The kids make me so so happy and is this what people say about the light of the life? In this case they are the light of my 2015 :) Also, its been more than a decade since I last set foot in an art class, nostalgic, well, I never expected myself to be at an art class again, especially as a teacher. You know how people feel very relaxed and calm when they watch fishes swim? I get that when I watch my kids color :) Well, certainly not when I need to help them rush at the end of the class hahaaha.
But watching them color with crayons and paint makes me feel like coloring too! The colors are reaaaaaaally vibrant and attractive. I could watch them forever. Gosh, so beautiful. 
I've been having a VERY huge urge to draw and color again since my first class two months ago...So...
Last week, with Emil's support I finally got myself a new set of crayons, one 8B pencil and an art block!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a coloring book I bought from big bad wolf last year.

Seriously the satisfaction I get is overflowing, I was strongly reminded by the days many many years ago. 

I've been contemplating to buy or not for a very long time. Man I didn't know art supplies are so damn expensive omg. I thought after so many years when I am finally an adult and have way more allowance than the much younger self so buying these is definitely not a problem for me. But guess what, a set of 24 Faber Castell color pencils costs RM21.00 WHAT.....................................
SO EXPENSIVE!!!

And I've been using Faber Castell when I was young, although my family isn't that well to do many years ago...a late one but THANKS MOM AND DAD T.T I didn't know they're so expensive. My mom really got me all the branded stationaries...T.T

Anyways..the crayons were on sale in Popular!! ONLY RM9. The usual price is RM20++  I think. Better not be the defected ones -.-

So when I am going for all the spensive nice cafes for tea pls remind me that I need to save up to buy Faber-Castell color pencils and Buncho paint. Other brands will not be accepted cos your new art teacher is very strict when it comes to the quality of her art supplies ;)

Woah what a lengthy post. Feels really good to have produced such long post :P If you've read everything from the top, your eyes deserve a candy as reward!





Eye candy get it??? :D




till my next post :)