Tuesday, 2 February 2016


OK I am once again sitting in a cafe waiting for time to pass hahah I need to fetch my brother in about 45 minutes and it'll be quite a hassle for me to go home then to come out again. Also, my house's wifi is down, again!!

I've been so tired recently. I've been sleeping a lot a lot, napping almost once in every two days which is very unusual cos I don't have the habit of taking naps at all. The strangest thing is, even after taking a 2-3 hours nap, I can still sleep at night like 12am-1am! I feel very tired every day thats for sure. Sometimes in the week I go to bed before dinner time too.

But despite feeling tired all the time, things are looking better for me. Time passes fast and oddly I enjoy every single bit of it. Its February now! January was quite an eventful one, i guess. This week is also the last week before Chinese New Year break so many assignments and quizzes are due this week.

Ok what else...

OH just realised I haven't blogged bout New Year's eve!! I'll just talk about it briefly ok. I counted down in a bar called The Museum in somewhere KL! My friends and I thought of spending it at a place with nice live band.


HAHAHA this is so funny

I really want to blog about my Sarawak trip!!! I think I am forgetting all the little details already.....................:(


I can't sleep..
It's 1.12am now and I've been lying in bed since 10pm.
I am frustrated.

My sleeping hours have been so unexpected these few weeks..I've been so so tired ever since school started for me. :(

It's okay I just need to get through the next 3 months. 

Monday, 1 February 2016


Midst of all the chaos in this world, I still think of this film so often.


Wednesday, 27 January 2016

Sekolah Demokrasi 22/1-24/1/16 & opinion on LGBT

 Ok I have assignments to do later so lets do this quick! :)
For the past weekend I've attended an event called Sekolah Demokrasi, if translated directly it'll be called School of Democracy in English. Organized by roketkini, a Malay-language web portal under DAP. Basically this event is a political education program mainly to educate youngsters aged 18-30 about democracy in Malaysia. 

During my trip to Sarawak last month one of my volunteer program's coordinator, Chee Ling, encouraged me to join this saying its a very good exposure for youngsters. I took her words quite seriously actually and applied for it hahah. However I heard its quite competitive cos they recruit only 25 participants from all over Malaysia per session. To apply, you'll need to write a short essay about your understanding of democracy, in BM! I've forgotten what I wrote but I remember it being all bullshit that was direct translated from English but somehow I got selected, or maybe the session was just less competitive hahah. But I had a great dilemma cos the 2D2N event clashes with Charmaine's big 21st birthday party. ITS CHARMAINE!! :( I was super excited for her birthday(even more excited than the birthday girl herself hahaha). I was in dilemma for 2 weeks until I decided to go for Sekolah Demokrasi instead cos I don't wanna miss the opportunity :( sigh. so so sorry charmaine...but I made it up to her ok by getting her presents hehe.

Many people asked me to miss the event and go for Charmaine's birthday instead cos...its politics! Who would want to get into that?! Um..I want to....

 I intend to expose myself to more political events starting from this year. Not saying that I want to be a politician though(although I have seriously thought of that but my mama no let). For now I simply want to get more knowledge bout politics. I always think that one person must have at least a little knowledge of all the current affairs and that includes politics, economics, history, geography and so on. Its definitely what I look for in a partner too but before I start expecting people to have these qualities I myself must go for it first, at least thats what I thought. Well don't you think when someone can speak fluent politics they're  sexy as hell?! No I do not think that Rafizi Ramli, Tony Pua or Wong Chen are sexy. HAHAH

And secretly inside I despise people that have no political knowledge or opinion. How can you not have opinion on politics when its so closely linked to our daily lives?? Politics significantly shape your career, education, financial matters, FREEDOM, and basically your life. Its so important how can some adults be so ignorant towards it?? For me this is the way I think la so I get super annoyed when people ask me not to get involve with politics. Well I want to get involved with it cos I am obsessed with my rights just like how Americans are obsessed with theirs LOLOLOL.
The event's held at Quality Hotel City Centre in central KL. It was a Friday and I had to be there at 7pm and nobody at home was free to send me there :( and its peak hour + KL so I didn't really dare to ask if any of my friends are willing to do me this favor :( So I decided to just take cab. Actually this is my first time taking a cab alone in Malaysia I was kinda scared and anxious! The trip from my house to the hotel took one and half hours, the jam was horrible plus it was Thaipusam  weekend. Cab was pricey though I paid almost RM70 for it. *gulps*

Anyways, I took this pic and sent to my mom saying Osama's here to send me to the hotel hahaha

Checked into the hotel room! I shared room with a very nice Malay girl who happens to work for some NGO that fights for women's rights. Pretty cool huh. She's very friendly that only our first night there she started telling me bout guys and gossips hahahaha

I knew that everything will be in BM in this event so I was super worried. When I came into this small hall I was really trembling. 90% of the people are Malays and they were all chatting BOUT POLITICS. I eavesdropped on their conversation and got even more scared!!
Their conversation went like:
''Eh bang, dari mana ah?''
''Dari Muar.''
''Oh Muar..Muar kan under BN. Razali Ibrahim kan? Aiyuh dia menang Nor Hizwan tu sikit saje masa election tu.''

I gulped. They went on to chat about other states' election results WTF..............errr what should I say later if I am facing a conversation like this?? I think I'll say something so stupid like:
''Oh election 2013...Najib menang kan???''
Then they will look at me for 3 seconds then decided that they do not want to talk to me again HAHAHHAAH.

I know only so little bout our 2013 election results and voting system, all the seats, who won and how much they've won in percentage ...I don't know!!!! I was praying inside they won't ask me questions like this or I am gonna die embarrassing myself.

Next conversation I eavesdropped(of different people)
''Eh you kerja apa?
''Dulu aku reporter kat malaysiakini, sekarang aku kerja under XXX Ibrahim.''

I supposed the Ibrahim guy is a famous politician cos the guys go OHHH. 
By eavesdropping all these people's conversation I gulped and gulped and my palms were sweating. I was really nervous. Everybody's somebody- political science graduates, law graduates, reporters, employees of famous politicians like Tony Pua, Yeo Bee Yin and theres me.....
How should I introduce myself.. damn noob la omg I am a student with no political background hahahaha.

I am not exaggerating that I was trembling. Walking into the hall seeing there's papers and pencil on everybody's seats I became super paranoid. Are they gonna ask us to write political stuff? Our political thoughts?! In BM??!?!?! 
I am gonna screw this up so bad....not only my political knowledge is as shallow as hell, my BM can go eat shit also. I've stopped writing in BM since I graduated from high school!!!

My friend came and I was super relieved. Finally something familiar, finally somebody who speaks Chinese/English to me and not Malay, finally a comforting sight. HAHAH. I met him in Sarawak too, same volunteering program. But his presence gone from comforting to terror, when he began to speak fluent BM and politics.................................................and he's darn good at it.
I am alone!

Praise the lord(wtf hahaha) the paper isn't for us to write any political stuff but for our ice breaking game. They asked one participant to sit in the middle of the hall and all of us had to draw him. This guy looks a lot like Mona Lisa! So I drew a portrait of him being Mona Lisa in the museum hahaha. Then he had to pick his favorite among us and he picked mine! LOLOLOL how flattering.

We were then divided into 4 groups and the theme for this camp is pirates. So our group name is the name of our pirate ship and we had to come out with our war cry/slogan and pirate styles. I was a bit disappointed with my group members at first they seemed boring but guess what?! My group is the best among all,high in spirit and intelligence(wink wink) winning all the games hahaha.

The first night  I was SUPER TIRED. This event is quite informal they had activities all the way till 12am omg...

Next day...
Our agenda :)

Morning we had lectures omg I nearly fell asleep. They taught us the origin of democracy from the ancient greek and athenian point of view. I got so bored and drifted in and out at times.

Lunch KS texted me that he's here at the hotel lobby I was so surprised!
 Hehe thanks for visiting!!!
He brought me something that I squealed when I saw it hehe. My favorite portugese tarts and egg tarts from Puchong!
After lunch each team took turns introducing themselves, roll call and so on. I was the only girl in the group so they made me the captain and called me Queen hahaha these boys sure do know how to flatter me, for the rules of our ship the first one was ''to obey our queen at all times.'' second was ''to protect our queen at all times'' WTF HAHAHAHAH


I love my team!! We have every type of person a team needs. We have the joker + the person with most ideas - Farhan(second from right), everytime when he speaks the whole hall will definitely burst into laughter hahah brought so much joy to us. Then we have the intellectual, Irham on the most right. He is very knowledgeable in politics and history, super wise as well hahaha. Then we have Muzakkir, the one below me, the very sporting and spontaneous guy, when he's paired together with Farhan thats the best thing HAHHA also they're the main reason why our team was super lively and funny. Then we have Saiful,second from left, he doesn't speak much or interact with us much so... no comment HAHAH

And me! I was extremely shy for the first two days. Only starting from the end of second day I opened up more and reveal a little bout my true personality - the sampat girl. LOL. I was shy cos i am so noob in politics and BM i don't want to attract attention to myself later they ask me all sorts of political stuff I don't know how to answer HAHAH.

At night we had a debate session! Everybody was required to wear full formal. I was very nervous cos I thought we were gonna debate bout politics, I can't do that!!! Die.

But turned out its about gay marriage, whether should Malaysia legalize it. We pretended that its a real parliamentary debate and we each represent an area. My team and I were going against the legalization so its a bit hard especially when I personally support gay marriage.

We had to wear our silly pirate hats too hahha.

Mr Intellectual was so serious preparing his notes.
Each of us had to represent an area of our own choice. I picked Shah Alam cos I live there haha. Pretty cool cos during the debate, when anybody wants to address you or reply to your statement they have to say ''Yang Berhormat Shah Alam'' or ''YB Shah Alam'' , same goes to everybody's. HAHAHA. I feel so yeng being addressed as YB.
Edward was on fire hahah in fact, everybody was!! Everybody's so bloody good omg their public speaking skills are real impressive!!! That makes me even more nervous my hands were both so cold. Everybody was debating fiercely and the LGBT speeches gave me goosebumps. I wrote down my points already but was too nervous to seize the opportunity to speak. Half an hour later the speaker announced that its the last round of debate and I thought I wouldn't have the chance to speak anymore. I just didnt have the balls to stand up! 
The last person in our group has spoken, there goes my chance. Was feeling bummed and disappointed at myself until the person lost her points and had nothing to continue her speech anymore. Muzakkir, who was sitting beside me nudged me to support her statement and this time, very quickly I raised up my hand.

 I stood up and delivered a short speech. During the debate session, if you agree with somebody's statement you can hit the table to show that you agree. Seeing a few of them nodding and hitting the table while I was delivering my points was more rewarding than I thought!

Was the last person to speak and the debate session ended :) The alumni can vote to decide who wins and turned out that we lost. I thought we did a very good job though..and its hard to convince people cos most people already have their own opinion prior to our debate, and most of them support LGBT because it seems morally right to do so. I'll talk about the content of our debate and my thoughts at the end of the post ok so if you're interested you can read!:)

Everybody went to mamak at night but I was too tired to go. After taking lots of selfies I went to bed hehe.

Oh wait, after the debate we took some pictures too!

Aiyo I smile until eyes also cannot see hahha. With the awkward Mr Intellectual!

Hamba-hamba dengan queen, they said. HAHAH

Actually brought heels but too lazy to put on hahah. My shoes here are so informal!

These guys are so nice to me T.T I think cos I am the youngest, the only girl and only Chinese hahaha. They'll always check on me and make fun of me.
This is a fake candid....BUT it was Farhan who wanted it HAHAHHA. He said he wanted a picture to be our latest album cover  hahaha. Hmm four boys and one girl, which band could we be?

Sixpence None the Richer maybe hahaha does this band still exist?!?!?

3rd and last day!
We were given a survey. HAHA if you don't understand whats on the paper, the question is ''Why did you fall asleep when the session was ongoing?''
The choices are: 
- Not enough sleep
- Too boring
- The temperature in room is conducive to sleeping 
- I love sleeping
- Meditating
- Carpe diem (HAHAHAHAH)
- Shut the eyes to hear better

HAHAHAHA everybody laughed reading those. But of course, on the paper there were a lot other questions that required us to write down our own perspective of political matters such as social democracy's good and bad. This session is something I feared most when I first came cos I can't write in BM omg. I copied some from Muzakkir and Mr Intellectual hahahaha.

We had another session of political discussion and as usual I was bored and quiet. hehe.

Lastly, certificates! 
''Jangan ambil cert ni pergi job interview ah!'' HAHAHA

Taken by Muzakkir. ''Siapa ah moi yg comel ni?!?!'' - said no one.

This Farhan 29 years old acting like 19 hehe. He is an engineer and he wore super classy outfits everyday. Thought he's somebody classy mana tau so sampat hahaha. Kinda miss him and Muzzakir.

My good friends throughout the event. Miss them both already!

Actually I dont know why people like to do this. hahaha hear no evil see no evil and speak no evil. 

Bergaya tak?!

Roomie + photobomb

My hair flat until I wanna punch myself.

Informal group picture of everybody!

Debate seating. The one speaking was Wan Hamidi Hamid, principal of this Sekolah Demokrasi. I am on the right hand side the one that looks bored. HAHAHHA. Remember when I first came into this room with the tables all arranged like that I was so scared!!! Everything just looks so formal it scared me so bad. hahah

After everything we had our last meal together in the hotel then parted our own ways :) I don't think we are gonna see each other again though..but it was nice meeting all of them. I've learnt a lot of political stuff, thats for sure. Although I am still very lost when they go so deep into things. I haven't dealt with so many Malays for so long, since 3 years ago in national service! Its really nice to talk to them again and get to know their political views. I don't really have close Malay friends so yeah. Farhan was very interested in my thoughts as well cos he doesn't have a lot of Chinese friends hahaha so we kept asking each other questions. We are both very open-minded and discussed about many sensitive topics like what do I think of the May 13 incident and Malays in particular. I didn't deny the fact that I was once an extreme racist towards Malays. May 13 was one incident I've heard a lot about but still don't know the event in detail. It happened 46 years ago in our grandparents' era. I cannot judge and I don't want to hold any grudges towards Malays for something I've not experienced myself or listen to stories from a party that is not biased. Its quite unfair towards the younger generation of Malays either. My parents, just like many other Chinese adults in the baby boomers generation, have strong dislike towards the Malays and I was brainwashed when I was young. I don't plan to change their mind cos..I think they know many things better than I but I can now independently think of my own and I really have decided not to be racist or discriminate against Malays. I meant to be somebody who can contribute to my own country, if I am not I wont be so into politics. If I really meant to help my own country, I cannot discriminate my own countrymen can I? 

Farhan was pretty satisfied with my answer hahaha but when he learned that I am a free thinker he awkwardly asked me who do I rely on when in times of distress. Thats a good question I myself have thought bout that before. I don't have anybody certain like them. My answer was ''I don't know, just collapse i guess?'' HAHAHA. 
''Why don't you find a god?''

If I can I would! Very frankly, I am quite envious of the people with strong religious beliefs. Like Christians around me, they always have a god they think that this god is forever with them. They are always talking to the god like a friend, asking for emotional support etc. To me , it seems that they're having an imaginary friend but if that helps them to get through hard times, why not?? This ''imaginary friend'' is so great, he will never betray you and will FOREVER be there as long as you believe. I want to have somebody like that too but what can I do when I don't believe in it at all? HHAHA. Not that I don't want to have a god, but I am unable to believe the existence of it.

I had lots of in-depth conversations with Farhan! Man I love conversations like that. So grateful to have met these people in this event. I learnt so much!! Thank you so much Chee Ling for this opportunity T.T


OK about LGBT. 
From the picture above during our debate, the row of people on the right opposed the legalization of gay marriage in Malaysia and me included while the row of people on the left supported it, they won the debate. 

Some of their points:
- Marriage is between two persons and outsiders have no rights to interfere (refuted)
- Outsiders have no say in who should one falls in love with
- everybody is equal
- This is a part of basic human rights, stated in article 5 of constitution of Malaysia ''no person can be deprived of life or personal liberty''
- hetrosexual couples have high divorce rate (refuted) this is damn funny omg opponents came out with a statistics from year 2012 that showed high divorce rate. But later on Farhan found 2015's statistics that's very different from the 2012 one and commented that their data is outdated. Opponent was left speechless HAHHA.
- It does not affect the society or people around (refuted)

Some of OUR points(oppose):
-gay marriage is UNCONSTITUTIONAL. In the law of Malaysia, Islam is the religion of the federation and gay marriage is against the laws of Islam. And in article 3 of the constitution of Malaysia Islamic laws are to apply to personal and family law matter(Muslims).
I think this one is quite interesting. Farhan from my group spoke about this matter, in BM of course, and actually got our opponents speechless!! He was crazy good and stylo! He was speaking so calmly but his tone was very powerful and ferocious. He was saying gay marriage is against the laws of Islam and our perlembagaan(constitution), our opponent retorted something about people have rights to marry whoever they want. When our opponent was halfway speaking, Farhan put his palm out in the classiest way possible and put our opponent to a halt then he said slowly in BM :''YB xxx, I, as a follower of Islam, is asking you, another follower of Islam -- is gay marriage acceptable in our religion? Do you mean to go against the laws of our precious religion and the constitution of our country?'' Our opponent was left speechless and couldn't squeeze a reply out at all!! Everybody hit the table so hard for Farhan HAHAHA. 

I know 95% of my friends are non-Muslims and do not agree with Islam in many ways including myself. So maybe you're not convinced at all at with the statement above and probably think that Islam laws are unreasonable. For me,I've decided put down any disagreements or hatred towards the religion or race completely. When I listen to opinions like that I would say I respect them fully and I did not judge them in any way throughout the event. As a majority in our country, Muslims take up 60% of our country's population and our country's policies, laws and governing body are tightly linked to Islam. You can never get along and make peace with our country if you hold racist grudges towards them. Most of the Malay politicians as well as the Malays I met here are very conservative towards politics and they find it hard to separate their religion from it so I try seeing things from their side. So when we were discussing bout gay marriages and Islam, I managed to understand better instead of judging and mocking them secretly like how I used to.

 Yes I don't think Malaysia will be legalizing gay marriage anytime soon, not in the next few decades. Islam is the religion of federation and I can't see any way wea can get passed through that. If you legalize gay marriage that means you're against the laws of Islam and the constitution then how can you justify that? Its not that I think gay marriage isn't right but I would say that our country is still not ready to do such controversial topics yet.

Shit, talk until I forgot what are the other points already LOLOL I only remember my own points and Farhan's since he delivered such an unforgettable speech.
OK for mine, I only supported one of my teammate's point and did not debate on the behalf of myself. I was pretty proud of myself for speaking at the end and I didn't stutter at all! In fact I think that I've spoken quite confidently hehe. But I mixed a lot of English vocabularies into my super broken BM hahaha something like this ''Beribu-ribu tahun lalu masyarakat already believe that satu marriage consists of satu male dan satu female.'' HAHHAHAH

OK so this is how my speech went. I spoke BM for most of the time.

 ''Since thousands of years ago our society already has the strong belief that a marriage can only consist of male and female.(almost wanted to say one male and one female luckily I didn't hahah Muslim men can wed four wives lololol)  And in a family both gender have roles of their own and that's considered as the norm. Now that legalization of gay marriage has been brought up, that means we are challenging the norm and there will be serious consequences in the years to come. Number one, it might lead to social unrest. A few decades ago gay marriage and homosexuality are definitely out of the question and are both highly sensitive and controversial topics. Many people couldn't accept it at all at that time. Nobody would think that one day we are going to legalize it but now we are doing it(this debate is fictional). This gives our people too much freedom as they will think that they can marry anybody they want. But the truth is, they cannot. It is not true that this wont affect the society. What about incest, pedophilia, bestiality? You've mentioned that when two parties are in love they should be given the rights to tie the knot, doesn't matter who they are. So would you approve an incestuous marriage or a child marriage?(An incestuous relationship is a crime in Malaysia and most countries like the U.S, U.K, Australia and so on) They can fight that they love each other and the decision to get married is consensual. A marriage of incest may have seemed outrageous to all of you right now but remember, gay marriage is the same decades ago. But you've legalized gay marriage so what explanation can you give to reject incestuous marriage? And can the government handle it when the people of Malaysia come demanding for the rights of an incestuous marriage in the future? Thats all from me, thank you.''

I was the last to speak and am surprised that nobody has thought of this point! I don't know if anybody from the opponent team can refute my statement cos I was only supporting my teammate's statement they cannot directly reply to me. I am not so sure how the debate in parliament works actually hahaha.

At last the opponent team won by 3 votes. I personally think that we should've won cos our points were pretty solid while our opponent kept repeating their points like every person has the rights to marry blablabla. Like I said I felt like people voted for them cos its more morally right to support LGBT than to oppose it. Don't blame them though I personally support LGBT as well. I was thinking that if a person could choose who he/she wants to love and marry they would've chosen opposite gender, why the same gender when they would get discriminated and judged by the whole world? I've seen so many happy gay marriages too. I mean of course no one reports about failed gay marriages hahah.


That's all! :)
Hope you've enjoyed reading!!