Saturday, 27 August 2016

Lenggok Mia

hi again!
Today marked my first week since I've left home. Not much has happened since then..I was just busy stocking up my room to make it as cozy as possible and also to get it ready for the harsh winter that's arriving in no time. Everything is still very strange to me - i STILL don't feel like I am in the states even though culture shock is still as strong each day. I would say I am a very versatile person and was able to adapt to all situations and environments I was put in for the past years so I am pretty positive about how things will go. Very surprisingly, homesickness hasn't hit me yet. I don't think I miss home that much either. I do miss my family, the comfort of having my mom around to deal with friends......but it seems like after I left everybody moved on with ease. Of course I don't expect them to linger in sadness cos of my absence la hahah.  Well..things are okay. I am slowly immersing in the whole American college thing and every thing is eye opening for me. People are great. I do try to make as many friends as possible and I did! But you know, these white people talk about the MOST trivial things and by the end of the day I always get so exhausted from faking my interests in their dogs, their brother's best friend's girlfriend, the person they met in an elevator, the asshole lecturer in their seventh grade and so on.

That aside, Bozeman is ABSOLUTELY beautiful. My campus is hell gorgeous as well. Haven't got pictures to share here cos I rarely bring my camera out and my phone's storage is full........:(

I've been meaning to blog about Sarawak and all the other stuff but haven't had the time to do it. I miss blogging! Let me think what can I talk about today. Its 1.14am on a friday! I can hear the drunk white people shrieking every where HAHAH.

Oh..I want to talk about my Penang trip 3 weeks ago! So a few days after I came back from Sarawak, I went to Penang to stay with my sister for two nights. She's currently working there so I wanted to spend time with her before flying to the states. Turned out that I didn't even spend much time with her cos she was working and instead I spent my entire time with my friend Joshua hahahah.
This is Joshua! He is from Penang and we met in Sarawak for a water project. Ahh need to blog bout that AMAZING project soon!! It was so memorable I can't stop thinking bout it even till today. Joshua's very interesting, he has this British accent that he doesn't admit about hahaha and he didn't fake it! He's a med school graduate and he's super intelligent. Among all the other good looking guys on the team, he left me a very strong impression in the project. I vividly remember that on the 2nd or 3rd day and both of us were playing with the kids in the kampung. A little girl and I were playing chasing game and we took turns chasing each other. When it was my turn to chase her, she burst out crying halfway probably cos she was scared or she didn't want to lose. It was my first time making a kid cry I didn't know what to do!! WTF kids usually love playing chasing with me cos I go all out one ok hahaha. She wouldn't stop crying and I panicked. Joshua came, knelt down, had her hands in his and told her that she could get angry with me, but only for 5 seconds. Speaking in his flawless Malay, he told the girl that shes only allowed to be angry with me for that few seconds and when he counts down to 1, she needs to stop being angry and give me a hug. 

And I got the tight hug by the time he finished counting.

To be honest I was super smitten!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've NEVER seen any guy that is so good with kids before.I was super impressed and started reevaluating him HAHAHA.
I love kids myself so any guys that love kids and are good with them will get 9/10 from me hahaha.

He is remarkably knowledgeable as well. Ask him anything and he's able to give you his opinion of it. Our topics were very interesting and I had a really good time talking to him. He is also very classy, loves his musicals and he can sing SO WELL.I've listened to many people sing in my whole life. Many of my friends can sing really well but he's real exceptional. He let me listen to a few of his self-composed songs and I got super love-stricken everytime I listen to them!!! His songs are so so good I am not even kidding. I hope one day he'll share them on social media and go far with it.

Upon knowing that I'll be in Penang, he offered to bring me around. My flight was delayed by 5 hours and I arrived in Penang super late at night and he picked me up. What a small world cos the apartment my sister lives in is just across the street of where he lives! And my sister actually works in the same hospital as his mom hahaha wtf the world is too small. So it was very nice, for the next two days, he and I just walked over to find each other.
Joshua brought me on a kayaking trip with his friends! It was so much fun!!!

Fooling around.

We kayaked about 45 minutes to an island with lighthouse. It was so pretty and weird at the same time. Kayaking with a city view hahah.

With Joshua's two childhood friends, Yvonne and Sarah.  They're so so nice T.T Joshua brought me to meet many of his friends and they were so hospitable and friendly. It made me feel as if i've known them for a long time but in fact, when this trip happened, Joshua and I met each other for merely a month.

Penang must be so blessed to have these Penangites around. They're so patriotic and wont stop telling me how much they love Penang even though they've lived here all their lives.  

After kayaking, we went to Clarke Quay!

Then to my most favorite Laksa place in the whole wideeeeeeeeeee worlddddd.

View from my sister's apartment.

Taken by Joshua! 

Next day we walked around the city while he told me about Penang history. Legit penang history! 

After breakfast we went to Gurney Paragon. We walked around aimlessly and just looking at everything. This is when we noticed an elderly security guard sitting on a bench looking pale and breathless. 
Joshua:''Look at that man! He looks sick.''
Me:'' oh my god ya....he looks like he's gonna faint or something.''
''Want to go ask if he's okay?''

We were walking at that time and didn't stop while we had this conversation but his question stunned me a little. Approaching a stranger asking if he/she's ok is not usual for me and I believe that its not usual in our society (unless the man lies on the floor or something LOL). I showed concern, but I wasn't going to do anything bout it, and it certainly didn't cross my mind that I had to. The question stunned me and made me feel guilty.

''Errrrr I don't know. I think he's ok gua.''
''Let's go and ask if hes ok.''

Joshua turned around and walked towards the guard and I was shocked. I didn't know he's being serious.

The uncle was so surprised and happy that we showed concern for him. He's okay, just exhausted from standing for too long. But he was clearly very happy that somebody was concerned! 

''OK just to check that you are ok.''

I was still stunned that this happened and I have newfound respect of this amazing friend of mine. If I were to come across similar situations again I would definitely make a move and it will be Joshua the one who had inspired me to do so.

Our friendship comes off as very unexpected for me cos I didn't expect we would get so close and go through so many meaningful moments together. He is definitely a very unique friend of mine and I sincerely hope that we will keep in touch! (i infact am trying to matchmake him and my sister LOL)

This is us fooling around in Long Semadoh, Lawas, Sarawak! He wont see this but thank you for the amazing friendship Joshua!!:)

All the best in the UK! (This smarty pants is gonna do his masters in Neuroscience at the renowned UCL in September)

After a short two days two nights trip in Penang, I went straight from the airport to meet another special bunch of friends!
We met in Sarawak as well hehe. Can you tell how amazing my Sarawak journey is?! I've met so many lifelong friends! Friends I've made there are certainly one of the most genuine and sincere bunch I have and I am very grateful of the friendship we all share. They were from an education project in Miri, Sarawak :)

The night was so full of laughter I wished so bad we could all go back to that first week of July, in that squatters with difficult living conditions..a place I hated on my first visit but grew to have so much love for it at the end. Bring me back to Sarawak :(
With Edwin. A lecturer for Taylors! hehe

With Jerry. Another lecturer from APU. hahah this bunch of volunteers are all with education background omg but he's certainly the coolest lecturer i've met(and also the most handsome!). Such a GREAT GREAT guy. Who checks on me time to time and thinks super highly of me one omg. 

I miss Sarawak!!!

To be able to study abroad in America is truly a wonderful experience. Everything is great except that I won't call this home yet. I miss my stinky kampungs in Sarawak.

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

falling leaves this marks my first post in the United States! I've been here for 3 days already but jet lag makes me so exhausted I didn't feel like doing anything. Not sure if I've mentioned before but I transferred over to the US and am going to finish my degree here. It appeared to be a very sudden thing for many of my friends cos aside from the really close ones, I haven't told anybody that I was gonna come here. Going overseas to study is quite a big transition in my life that I was quite confused about and I don't really want to share much bout it. Plus it's a HUGE hassle, can you believe that I've been dealing with all the procedures and stuff for about a year..

It was very uncertain since the start of my degree..long story. Parents were very skeptical of US in general, bout its security mostly, and they wanted me to further my studies in UK like both of my older sisters. I've completely lost interest in studying in the UK since my very first visit there in 2013. The weather is depressing and gloomy as hell, living cost is so bloody high that can make you vomit blood. Then people will tell you to not convert while studying overseas cos if you don't convert they're actually pretty affordable. I find this statement the dumbest of all - unless you or your parents are earning pounds, I don't get why you shouldn't convert cos basically your funds were originally MYR.

When I told my parents I wanted to come to US, they were strongly against the idea and wont stop persuading me to go UK or Australia. Australia is definitely out of the question. I can NEVER understand why would parents send their kids to Australia. Not only that its hell expensive, aussies are generally pretty racist, specially towards Asian. This is a very big issue to me, cos if you are not going to interact with the locals/foreigners, going to their country is basically a waste of time. Cultural exchange doesn't exist and you might as well stay in your home country paying a school fee of 1/4 of theirs. I was on an exchange in Melbourne back in 2012 for a month. I was lucky cos my host family brought me out to meet people frequently and its not so hard to notice that people talked to me because it was my host family, a white Australian family who introduced me, and not some Asian immigrant family. The racism in Australia isn't that harsh or extreme, but its unfavorable enough to make one feel uncomfortable. Every where in Australia there are SO MANY Malaysians regardless of Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, Perth or whatever, every where is a freaking mini Malaysia. Not that Malaysians studying in Aussie didn't get out of their comfort zone but compared to Malaysians in other countries, they put less effort and are less motivated. Can't really blame them actually since Aussies themselves are not hospitable towards them in the first place. The only reason my parents wanted me to go to Australia was the small time difference and that its so near to home.

To be very frank, I've carefully considered UK. Traveling around Europe is already one strong reason and to be fair, UK is so full of culture. A country that is so classy and elegant. Visiting is lovely, but I've concluded that living there can be depressing cos of the weather. Weather plays a HUGE role cos I can be easily affected by it.

It took me more than a year to persuade my parents to send me over to the US. Things were hard last year and early this year, I couldn't get along with my parents. The arguments we had were serious and it made me so desperate to leave home as soon as possible. Was supposed to leave to the US last December and it didn't happen although I was halfway through the arrangements. Got a sudden 'no' from my dad and I had to wait for another 8 months. I was really really upset bout it. Life was so fucking mundane at that time, nothing was going my way and I felt miserable. 8 months seemed incredibly long.

A small turning point came - my first Sarawak trip in December. I discovered a new purpose in life. I had everything all planned out - end my semester in May, two weeks backpack trip in 4 countries, work for Impian for 2 months, fly to US. Everything went according to the plan perfectly except that when I came out from Sarawak two months later, a huge part in me changed.

I found myself feeling very reluctant to go to US, something I've wanted so badly for the past 2 years. It was quite a scary thought. I was thinking why do I want to travel so freaking far away, adapt to a completely different environment, start all over again building friendships and stuff, deal with horrible homesickness when I know I can do so much more things that make me so happy if I stay back instead? 2 years is just so long to me. I have so many things I want to do and want to achieve but all had to come to a halt cos I am going overseas..

Studying overseas did not seem too appealing to me anymore especially when things got better, my relationship with my parents improved so much and I, through the days in Sarawak, have become a much happier person.

I am EXTREMELY lucky to have the opportunity to study overseas, especially in one so far away in a continent I have not visited prior to this. My farewell at the airport was painful but I am so glad to have landed in such a breathtaking place. So far everything is good. I am adapting fine, people are so lovely I can't believe it. It just didn't hit me that I am actually in the United States!! I am not very excited but I am rather contented. So weird.

Looking back at the past year I've become so independent I am very proud of myself. I've taken public transport alone back home, in other countries while traveling and now in America! I guess aside from financial matters(and packing hahaha), I've dealed with everything on my own that is necessary for me to come here. I sincerely hope I'll grow to love this place and I'll realize even more of my potential and if possible, grow to be a better person.

What a lovely place, America :)

Saturday, 20 August 2016


飞机起飞的那一刻 心好像被刮了一道痕。



Monday, 15 August 2016


It does feel very surreal that I am officially 21 today. Wasn't I just 18 awhile ago??
Like many, I feel as if I've been through a lot and at times I even felt like I've had enough of stories, experiences and feelings of a lifetime. But of course, there are so much more in life I have yet to discover and to many, my life begins only now, after the great 21st.

I have so many things to say and I'm so tired. I've been feeling very emotionally taxing everyday....
For now, I just really want to watch Lord of the Rings trilogy and relive one of the most moving moments in my life.

There is always hope.

Saturday, 13 August 2016

If life is all about these, 
I would have died a long time ago.

Monday, 8 August 2016

Green tea cream

In the airport again waiting for my flight to Penang. Going there to spend time with my oldest sister who's working there! Cos the next time I'm seeing her, she will be sending me off already. 

My heart has been so heavy since the end of last month which continued to be till today. I am dragging this heavy heart every where I go, and every where is filled with melancholy. How can I erase that air of gloominess? :(