Sunday, 29 May 2016

o captain

I am finally home!
Two weeks felt so so long I can't believe this hahaha. I haven't seen my parents for a month too! They left to travel around Europe and I left for the trip before they came back.
Never thought I would be this homesick during the trip to be frank. I thought that I've lived in poor living conditions before so I have no problem in doing it once more. Then I realized poor living conditions and dodgy-ness are two distinct things. I've experienced the former but not quite the latter. This was my first backpack trip and although I've researched quite a bit and tried to be well prepared, there were still many things that caught me off guard especially when the cities I've visited are the top tourist spots and people there were so skilled at scamming. Having a mediocre travel companion didn't help much in making me feel more comfortable in foreign places, in fact it even ruined a big part of my experience when he proved to be a bad traveling buddy near the end.
Don't even know if I should talk about this hahah.

Anyways, I was homesick as hell, the most extreme one I've experienced yet. Hard to believe isn't it!! Even when I left home for a month for youth exchange at the young age of 17, when I was in national service at age 18 or when I traveled alone for 5 weeks two years ago I did not feel as homesick. Quite a bit of the unpleasant things happened in the trip that made me feel so helpless and upset. Again, presence of my traveling buddy didn't help. Instead my friends who are so far away did! I am so grateful to have my mom, Brandon, Vinc and Nick to talk to me everyday.

Still..there were happy moments. Many things were so eye opening for me I felt very thankful that I could afford to travel around like that :) Definitely learnt a good deal of lessons through this trip, first is to choose a good travel companion. This one is so important!!
Second one is the most unexpected one to me....................

to treasure my parents.

ahahah sounds so dramatic like I was away for years and came back from concentration camp or war or something HAHAHA. But I've seen so many things in this trip..third world countries' cities are dodgy as hell it made me feel so scared. In this trip my dollars got stolen which resulted in my destitution for the remaining of the trip. Ok not so exaggerating la destitution wtf HAHAH but I ran out of money so bad. And I got detained at Laos border and was forced to bribe my way through with all my Thai bahts. Happened when I haven't even stepped into Thailand, which means, I had no cash when I entered Thailand. I felt super helpless and stressful. I didn't want to make my parents worry so I only told them when I've settled everything. Talking to them made me want to cry even more though. Mom was constantly checking on me and dad even arranged his secretary who was in Bangkok as the same time as I to pass me some cash(though I didn't go and get it la).

 I felt so loved at the same time felt sorry for my parents for having a child like me LOL.

Its surprising that I only realized this in the trip - home is always the best. While walking alone on the street so many times I wanted to cry when I thought of my parents. I missed them so much!
Dad hugged me and said:''你看你,没有吃东西变到酱瘦了。'' I've heard this so many times, he said this everytime I came back from my stubborn adventures hahahah.
Mom said:"现在你回来了终于可以放心了。之前每天担心aiyo." T.T 

I am just so glad to be home!!
My parents are probably the happiest cos I finally learnt to treasure home LOLOL

I am quite upset that I need to leave again in three days time.

Friday, 27 May 2016

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.
I do not need any of you.

Hands are tied

After an incident happened last night that I was left with nothing but RM150 in Thailand, I was surprisingly relieved.
I guess I was just happy and excited that I completed the whole of my backpack trip, and safely arrived in my last stop before I head home the day after tomorrow.

Hz and I both had no cash and ate only bread for the whole day. Couldn't take cab to the city center cos we had no Thai baht.

But I was surprisingly happy cos U2 sings...

"I have nothing to win, and nothing left to lose"

My fav song hahah.

Today at Asiatique :)

Thursday, 26 May 2016

Been there Don Det

Drafted so many posts on Cambodia hahah all written halfway and lazy to continue.

Written on 25th May!

It's currently 8am sharp here in Don Det, Laos! Nothing much to do here except for admiring the good view. 
Will be leaving Laos and head to my final destination for this trip - Bangkok! The bus journey will take about 16 hours. Sounds horrible but I don't even dread it cos I'm a very heavy sleeper when I'm in the car, I can sleep all my way through one hahaha

Can't wait to be home! 

Thursday, 19 May 2016


Phnom Penh's a lie.

I don't think I've been more depressed in anywhere else..everything in Phnom Penh just isn't right.

I will never forget how terrible I felt when I was here alone two years ago. That terrible Tuol Sleng genocide museum. So depressing that I became nauseous. So depressing that I almost burst out crying while walking in the streets. I remember everything.

I canceled my trip to the Killing Fields after that.

Two years later, I thought I was ready to visit the #1 tourist attraction in Phnom Penh. But I guess not.

It was drizzling when I arrived in Killing Fields. Had the eerie feeling the moment I stepped in. I saw the tower from far, a line of human skulls. My heart plummeted when I was approaching slowly and realised its not just a line but a whole tower full of skulls.

Was I trembling?? I had goosebumps. I felt like crying and I just wanted to go home. 

Phnom Penh is a lie. A place with serious poverty that seems so hopeless to me. Angry tuktuk drivers, messed up Caucasians, white sugar daddies, a bunch of travelers I thought was brave but in fact, they're just people who don't want to face the society.

Maybe coming back to Cambodia is a mistake. I haven't been to siem reap and Baray yet,

but I think this is the end for Cambodia and I. There is absolutely no point keep wanting to come back anymore since it makes me so damn depressed.

I don't think I want to come back to this place.

Monday, 16 May 2016


Currently laying lazily facing this awesome pool. I have no home today cos I'm taking a night bus to another city with my friend so we sneaked into this backpacker hostel to chill and spend the night.

It's only day 2 but it felt like a long time already.
Did I really make it to this trip? I've been planning this since January! Hehe.
Am I really in Vietnam?
Am I really that big that my parents are finally okay with me to do my silly backpacking?

Don't think I've ever mentioned in this blog but I'm currently on a 15D14N backpacking trip with a friend. We are aiming to finish four countries nine cities in these 15days. Well we have to cos we are ending our trip w a flight back home at our planned final city! Hahah.

It has been amazing.
And hopefully it will be for the coming two weeks.

The world is so amazing for me at this moment. Everything is eye opening! 

Friday, 13 May 2016

Ot loh oh

The most painful thing I've been through is developing feelings for things that are not constant in your life.

It's unfair how nobody warned me about it.


It is when people start puking up I regret the whole thing.
I was tipsy but the moment people throw up or do really stupid things I became instantly sober cos I'll have to clean the mess. I only remember myself washing comforter and bed sheets in the toilet at 4am, trying to wash away those vomit stains that I don't even know whose mouth did they come out from. It was so gross.

It is when I wake up I had to clean the house I regret the whole thing. People who puked were still lazily lying on the couch talking about how crazy last night was while I mopped the floor, wiped the tables, gathered the empty beer bottles and cleaned the toilet that smelled like a mixture of alcohol and puke. Was just silently doing all the chores hoping someone would offer some help to make my morning, they don't really have to anyway but it would be nice if they asked.

I mean..yes I've already expected people would puke since its a drinking party, but I didn't expect them to puke on the bed. Cleaning up really gross vomit stains while everybody's bloody down was so depressing. You started questioning whether what the fuck is drinking about, what do you plan to achieve, why are you even doing this. If Vinc's here he wouldn't let them do this do me :(

Drinking hardcore to get drunk is so so meaningless I've forgotten bout how hollow it makes me feel after that.

I miss my parents.