Thursday, 20 October 2016


I am so much more than just a discouraged student.
I am so much stronger than just a lost soul.
I am capable of many things.
I can love passionately, live meaningfully and fight valiantly.

Be a better and stronger person my love.

Tuesday, 18 October 2016


谢谢你,不停地告诉我不管怎么样,everything还是will be okay的。

life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. 

i wish somebody would tell me what to do

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Nama berita

 Received a surprise email this morning from my Impian boss..
A long long email, when I need it most.

And I wept through the whole time typing a reply back to her.

I drank so much coffee again. I am so anxious, my heartbeat is so fast and my hands are trembling.
I am weary.
I am weak.
I am vulnerable.
I am lost.

Friday, 14 October 2016

Today is a failed day.

Thursday, 13 October 2016


Had dinner with my Malaysian friend, two Thais and two Americans today. Offered my condolences to my two Thai friends over death of their king. They were so sad! While we were eating, so many of their friends stopped by at our table to express their condolences as well. In the thick Thai accent, one of them told me how her king is one of the reasons why she's so proud being a Thai. I only wished I had such affection and admiration for a country leader. I mean, these people can cry over the death of a leader, someone they haven't even seen in person before!
 Just like how the Singaporeans were crushed when LKY passed away, I can never understand how does it feel like.

And I can't believe I only found out today that Thailand was never colonized by any Western powers! Cos my friends were saying one of their friends told them that countries with royalty have their driver's seat on the right while countries without have their driver's seat on the left. I was unconvinced and said I would like to think that countries that were colonized by European countries have their driver's seat on the right while countries that were colonized by US have it on the left. 

''Oh no no, Thailand was never colonized.''

''What do you mean Thailand was never colonized?'' I was so skeptical. I thought all Southeast Asian countries were colonized before.

They laughed and repeated the same thing :"No, Thailand was never colonized.''

I didn't believe them and asked when is their independence day HAHAH how shallow I am.

''We don't have independence day because we are independent since the start!''

I was still unconvinced until I went home and google bout it..
I never knew that! I've always known that they have a long history as Siam, but never knew that they were independent since the start. They are also the only country that was never colonized in Southeast Asia.

I love both of my Thai friends so much they are so adorable hahah. Along with the two ang mohs, all of them are currently taking Chinese classes but they are struggling in the class. I shamelessly told them that it should be no problem for me and I can help them out if they need. Then it hit me that I SHOULD TAKE CHINESE CLASS NEXT SEMESTER.
It's freaking 4 credits!!!!!!!!!!!!!! American system requires you to take a lot of classes from various fields and one of the required classes is Diversity. Under Diversity there are classes like Spanish class, French,Chinese, American Studies, Film History, Japan History, Chinese Studies and so much more. I was really excited when I first browsed through them cos classes like these were never offered back in my previous college. Was so excited bout taking one of the film classes but looking at how I am struggling now I know picking the easiest class is more important than picking what you actually like..

Taking Chinese class would be so awesome for me I don't have to put that much of an effort cos it's all elementary level. But then I cannot let them know that Chinese is my first language la hahah. So over dinner we were just discussing how I should pretend to not know how to speak Chinese at all and we had a good laugh about it. 

I am serious though, I might take it next semester if it's possible. Guess I am gonna tell everybody my first language is Malay from now on, since that's my national language hahah. But then I've sent my current college my SPM results before and I took Chinese in SPM haha. They probably wont keep it as record right..............

I was actually very very upset for the first half of the day. Then I did something I should be guilty of but I am not - I skipped a class and stayed home to read lol. I finished reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist, one of the most translated works of all time. Maybe I'll blog bout it some other time!

Almost two months in America and I still get upset very frequently. I miss my family but I am not homesick. To be very frank, I don't think of home that much. My sense of belonging in Sarawak is way more than in KL..i love my home, i love the food in KL(or klang valley) but the lifestyle is just not for me. So do I miss KL? nope.
Do I miss Sarawak? everyday.

I am officially becoming like my old self , back in 2014 when I was so obsessed bout Cambodia and couldn't get over it for at least a year. So extreme that I cried so much for it. Ish.
Dwelling in my memories of Sarawak isn't unhealthy, I guess. I just thought that if a memory or a thought of it makes me feel better in this foreign place I can be obsessed with it all I want, right?


The last thing I want is to be so terribly upset till I can't focus on my studies. Worse, if its prolonged, I'll slowly loathe this place. I can't stress this enough - I cannot be upset. It'll be so hard to pick myself back up once I fall, and I definitely cannot afford to handle that now.

So, Kiew Yee Pei, when in times of sadness, frustrations, anger or whatever negative emotions, you can choose to

1. Sleep it off
2. Watch movies
3. Read

I've been trying this for the past week now and it works. Cos doing all these stuff occupies my mind and I won't dwell in the things that upset me.

4. talk/think/write bout Sarawak

If it makes me happy, if it provides me the comfort then I'll do it. 

Then once I am done doing these things, I get back up stronger. 

Feeling so much better now.
Let me show you pics from the past week!:)

This book earned my first five-star on Goodreads. 

Fall is so pretty.

While waiting for the bus at Walmart.

The weather was so good that day and I took so many pretty fall pictures with my friends hahah.

So pretty..

Love this hehe.

So I moved into my new dorm a week ago. I love everything bout it so far! I love how my classes are all 5 minutes walk away, love how spacious and cosy it is. I quite like my new roommate too!!

I had doubts about her at first cos before moving in I wanted to pay her a visit and say hi. My friend, who stays just a few doors down told me that she's very antisocial. I went to her room five times, but nobody answered the door when I knocked. My friends and I were saying how she might be in the room but too antisocial to the extend that she doesn't want to answer the door HAHHA. And I went at different times so it was really odd.  Her roommate moved out just awhile ago! Maybe she's the problem hahah.

When I finally met her I was surprised - she's nothing like I imagined. She super tiny for an American, she's super shy and..
I don't know, she just gives me the feeling that she's a very real and sincere person. I am still trying to get to know her more hopefully we can get closer!

Room 139! 
Her name's Jordan by the way,
This is what greets you when you enter the room. Pretty cosy isn't it!

 My roommate's side of the room. I love how simple she is! She's the total opposite of my previous roommate. She is not girly at all as you can see. 
 And we have a sink in our room! Yay! :)
 And this is my side of the room :) I try to make it as pretty as possible and I love it so far! I love coming back to my room. No more grey bedsheets HAHAH. They are underneath actually. And this red polka dot sheet is from home.
Same deco. Added lights and more photos!
My table :) Hehe happy that my book collection is getting bigger. I brought only three books here from home. A couple more I bought from Amazon are on their way hehehe. Mom will be so mad if she knows I've been spending on books again.

On the corkboards...

It works haha I havent had those in a week.

Two days ago....
We had our first snow of the season! And also my first snow in the states :D

This was my first sight when I got up from bed. I WAS SO EXCITED!! It felt like Christmas morning haha.

Quickly put on my boots, winter wear and wool hat then rushed out to feel the snow. It snowed the entire day that day.

Poor people couldn't ride their bicycles that day hahah.

 So pretty..........................

 My morning face hahah.
Luckily I bought rain boots just two days before. Find it so ugly at first but everybody's wearing it hahaha

Facetimed my parents and walked around campus to show them the snow-covered place. They were both so fascinated cos they have never seen so much snow in person before. Neither do I, it was my first! Dad marveled at the white beauty and told mommy they should visit the states in the winter hahaha. I want to bring my parents here for both summer and winter, since both seasons are so different. Hehe hopefully i get to work next year and pay for half of their flight fare..

Alicia came over and we made snow angels. She hasn't sent me pictures yet :(

Look how happy I was!

Some lonely snowman we found.

The snow lasted for another day but most melted by now. The weather's much warmer these days too so we are back to fall season :)


Had four graded homework due today and I got so stressed out. Told myself that I get to watch a movie after I've done them all and I did.

Wanted to watch something emotionally heavy so I picked The 33. I wrote a short film review here earlier this year. I remember how strongly I felt while watching this film in that empty Citta Mall cinema and thought The 33 and The Everest were simply the best two films of 2015. And I still think so. I watched both twice in the cinema.

Third time watching The 33 the cinematic experience is still strong as ever. Had tears in my eyes for most of the time and found myself trembling with emotions in several parts.

It's such an amazing film...

The Chilean mining incident still amazes me in many ways. It restored my faith in humanity and I'm in awe of how resilient humans can be.

Thankful for this short two hours experience. Now I'm recharged and I'll be more optimistic tomorrow :)

Wednesday, 12 October 2016


To drive me crazy isn't hard - just fucking make me wait.
One of my biggest pet peeves is people being late cos I FUCKING hate waiting. I repeat, I FUCKING hate it.

I am currently sitting in the dining hall looking  calm as I am typing this but I can feel my blood boiling inside.


Sigh workload and exams are piling up once again. I desperately want to watch a great movie to recharge myself. Please grant me the strength to finish up my homework early tonight, and some time for 3 Idiots and Slumdog Millionaire.

My biggest desire this week is none other than watching 3 Idiots alone and cry my heart out.